How I Got Here
It wasn’t all that long ago, that my son still had all of his symptoms of autism. He’d wake up screaming in pain in his stomach at 2AM, and I didn’t know why. He had emotional outbursts and tantrums. He’d have a hard time focusing in school and sensory issues and anxiety that made it hard to sit still. When people say things like, how can you want to change a child with autism? I ask them if they would want to live with those symptoms. Does that sound like a happy, and comfortable life? Could they even begin to share their positive contributions with the world when their anxiety and depression is so debilitating? Do they yearn for friends but don’t know how to make them or are treated like an outcast or even bullied?
This is what I wanted to change, and fortunately, it did. Today, all of those symptoms my son once had are gone. He is no longer even diagnosable. He’s calm, easy going, just graduated from college, he’s happy, and healthy. He has a ton of great friends who love being with him, and he’s comfortable being with them. He’s a writer whose passionate about writing science fiction and fantasy novels, and possibly writing for gaming companies. This may have not been possible before I began my own research and went down the path to find the causes of his symptoms of autism so I could work with them directly, not mask them with dangerous drugs like the doctors and therapists advised me. Yes, that’s right, their answer was to drug him and try behavioral therapies and wished me good luck and told me we’d be managing his symptoms the rest of his life. They told me he could not recover. People today still believe autism recovery is not possible. When I hear that I say, “Oh yea, well, talk to my son.”
The definition of recovery is “to regain health”. I realize that everyone’s outcome is different. This is the case with anything. No one can tell you what will or will not happen because NO ONE knows. It’s not possible for anyone to know what end results will be for certain, but I do know that the parents I’ve shared my autism recovery roadmap with, and those who are doing the work implementing each step as directed, are getting results! Results such as their child speaking when they were told their VERY autistic child would NEVER speak. Children who couldn’t focus in a classroom for more than 10 minutes are now able to stay and focus and learn comfortably for 5 hours or more. A 9 year old who could never ride his bike without training wheels is now riding his bike without them for the first time. Children who couldn’t sleep through the night are sleeping for up to 12 hours. Aggression and violent behaviors for many are a thing of the past. The parents say things like, “my child is truly so calm now”.
I’m telling you all of this because I want you to know that I’ve been in your shoes. I have lived this myself. I had another mom I know with a child who has autism say to me once, “No one knows what it’s like to have a child with autism unless you have one of your own.”
This is such a true statement. People can’t even truly imagine it, as far as I’m concerned, right? I tell parents with aggressive autistic children all the time, “your child is not an angry person. These behaviors are due to their brain being inflamed from toxins and infections in their body and their immune system attacking their brain.” There are biological causes that can be worked with to give them relief.
I went through ten years, and over $150,000 spent on trial and error to figure out how to help my son feel better, both physically and emotionally, and I’m here to tell you that it was worth every minute and every cent I spent. I can also tell you now how lucky you are that you’re here because what I want now is for parents all over the world to know I can help them. It is my mission to do so. I’ve mentored hundreds of parents who have successfully utilized the process I can now share because I’ve gone through it and succeeded. That’s what mentoring is…having lived it and succeeded at what others wish to do, and showing them how. How could I not share this to eliminate the expensive trial and error and the extra years it could take without a mentor and without the right roadmap to follow.
Now that I had results with my own son I had to wonder, “Would this work for others? Could I teach others how I did it? If so, to what extent?” There was so much I’d learned, on top of my earlier holistic background, (I had practiced craniosacral therapy and studies the brain for over a decade when my son was diagnosed in 2006. Autism has so many facets to it and it’s very individualized, but parents I knew from school would ask me how to help their child and they would get results from what I shared with them.
I kept asking myself, “How could I do this on a larger scale to reach millions?” I’d have to set it up so everyone had access, all over the world. No one should be limited by their location. There’s only one of me, so how do I teach millions? Yes, my goal became helping millions of parents to recover their children with autism. No child should be left behind. As long as the parent is open minded, positive, and willing to persevere, even in the darkest of days, then I believed it would work for anyone to get results. It would be crucial to offer a roadmap to follow to set the foundation first, then strengthen from there. Support would be imperative, and maybe a community of like-minded parents too. Only the positive minded to surround ourselves with.
The isolation alone can derail a parent of a child with autism. I knew how it felt and how the sleepless nights began to affect me. The stress from the tantrums and an inability to discipline or improve the behavior, and feeling helpless with what to do for him. The unpredictability made it hard to go to the grocery store or run a simple daily errand that so many others take for granted. I remember wondering at times about my own health and how it might be suffering. My stress level was out of control. I had real concerns about having a stroke.
I know those dark days. You know, the times when you’re hopeful, optimistic outlook feels like someone is following you around with a pin wanting to pop your balloon. Sadness, and despair, and the looming questioning thoughts of, “I will find the answers, right? He will get better, won’t he?’ What if I don’t find what I need?” Then you have to pull yourself up and keep going with a “yes, I will.” The mother’s/father’s instinct that says, “I can do this. I know I can. I’ll keep searching for as long as it takes and I’ll find answers and help my child get better, no matter what.” Having support and someone to ask my questions to, and get help from when I needed answers would have made a world of difference to me back then.
The knowing that your family and your child deserve the same chance as anyone at a healthy, happy, fulfilling, independent, and productive life. We know how brilliant our kids are. They have so much to give. Albert Einstein had autism. Why shouldn’t our children have the opportunity and ability to give their gifts freely to the world like anyone else? They deserve it!
I have this vision that every time a child with autism moves a step closer to better health, happiness, and an independent fulfilling life because of the mentoring I’ve shared,
that another light lights up on the globe.
I pray for the world to light up with millions of lights.
The Top 10 Things Every Parent of A Child With Autism Should Know
1. Never listen to nay-sayers about your child’s prognosis. A diagnosis is different than a prognosis, and how often are they wrong? Often, right?
We were told by multiple therapists that my son’s behaviors were due to our poor parenting and that we needed to be firmer with discipline. Basically, they told us it was our fault. Jacob was my first born child, but I knew something was wrong. Fortunately, I have a background in craniosacral therapy and I knew the brain could heal. I also knew I didn’t want to use dangerous drugs but wanted to find the causes and work with them.
2. Know it’s never too late.
My son was ten years old before he was officially diagnosed. We had started taking him to therapists when he was five. Again, they all told us it was our fault he behaved the way he did, and we should be firmer with discipline. Uggh! If you know anything about autism (and an inflamed brain) then you know that the behaviors are not your fault. Discipline to a point, yes, but these behaviors go above and beyond the average disciplinary issues. No one knows what it’s like but you (and me, and other parents of children with autism). So far as I know, I’ve helped parents with “children” from the ages of 17 months to 42 years.
3. Know it’s really up to you. It all starts with you as the parent. You are your child’s hero. Step up and be that hero. I promise it’s worth it.
Learn. Learn. Learn. I know it can be scary. Sometimes confidence wanes, but you’ve got to keep showing up for yourself…and your child. I mean, really, what’s the alternative anyway, right?
Social Psychologist, Amy Cuddy says, “Focus less on the impression you’re making on others and more on the impression you’re making on yourself.”
Make yourself proud, and don’t discount anything you’re doing. Celebrate every step you take forward for your child. Every time you implement anything, know you’re making some progress. Sometimes that may show up as a lesson learned. That’s OK. There are no failures when the intention is done with love in mind. Get back on that horse and keep riding. The destination is closer than it was before.
4. You don’t have to do it alone. Find a mentor, someone who has lived this personally and that you trust.
I know how isolating this life can be. Your child may not be accepted at school, or invited to birthday parties. I still remember how cruel I thought it was of the other parents when this happened. No one in a classroom of young children should be left out, ever!
5. You need a plan and you need to be able to work the plan. Have an actual plan with a path to follow. Go all in. No jumping around with ‘one off’ supplements or therapies.
Start with laying a strong foundation, and stay the course with someone to guide you. It’s more than diet and a few random supplements to do this correctly and safely. Don’t jump around with ‘one off’ supplements “hoping” for results, or moving too fast without any support for detoxification. When your child gets worse from this, and you don’t have anyone to tell you why or guide you, then you’ll get overwhelmed, stop, and maybe “try” something else because you think that didn’t work, or it was “bad” for your child. Know this is a process to be done in order, and supporting your child’s system first is crucial. Move forward slowly and safely, with a roadmap and a guide. Patience is key.
6. Avoid the kitchen sink syndrome.
Don’t throw in every single thing or it will actually slow you down from making progress and be hard on your child if their body is demanded of too much all at once. You know the saying, “Go slow…to go fast.” Too much time gets wasted on back-stepping when you’ve thrown in so much that you don’t know which supplement caused which behavior or negative reaction. Then you’ve got to stop and start over again. Streamline it with an actual plan that’s laid out for you. That is the fastest, easiest, most efficient way to get from point A to point B and get the best results possible. I didn’t say “fast” I said “fastest”.
7. Practice patience on the journey.
Autism recovery takes time. We’re not building a website. This is human biology and everyone is different. The biology of a child with autism is very sensitive and things must be done very slowly.
8. Be willing to do the work.
I know that the parents I share the process with in my mentoring membership program who get results are the ones who actually do the work. It’s done on your own timeline and there’s no going fast, in fact, it allows you even more free time because you’re not searching and pecking through the internet for hours a day trying to figure it out on your own anymore, but the steps must be implemented by the student.
You know the saying, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”.
9. Take care of yourself!
This is a trying journey. Remember that you matter too. Take time for yourself each day. Even if it’s a cup of tea and 5 minutes of alone time, or a short walk. It makes a difference. Also, the leaf doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Your child likely inherited some of the toxins and infections they have from you. Many are contracted in utero, and we pass infections around the home to those we live with and spend the most time around. As you take your child on this journey to better health, both physically and emotionally, so shall you take the path along with them. Everything you implement for them you should do for yourself too. If you have other children, and a spouse, then they should also get this help. This is about the whole family getting well. Begin with the right diet now. Begin gut healing now. Get your free guide to the top 7 foods to avoid here.
10. Never, ever give up.
Repeat this to yourself daily, “I AM the world’s greatest parent!”
Mindfulness exercise: Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a place you’d love to be. Go through the 5 senses and visualize each one as if you’re there in that place: see, hear, feel, taste, smell. As an addition, if you choose, you can either place one hand on your forehead and one hand on your belly, over your belly button. Alternately, you can place one hand on your forehead and the other hand on the back of your head near the base where it meets the soft tissue of your neck. Take a couple of deep breaths and let them all the way out. Relax and notice how you feel now.
I believe in you, and I appreciate you. You’ve taken the time to read this because you care enough to.
I’ve enjoyed writing this because it took me back to those scary, stressful days, but now I can look back and feel the incredible feeling of success and see the dramatic difference in the lives of our entire family. I want that for yours too. Someday I hope to read about your successes. On the home page of this website there are some testimonials from parents I’ve helped through my mentoring program that you can read if you like. It warms the heart.
This post is accompanied by radio show episode #88.
Quickly Reduce Your Child’s Symptoms
of Autism by Eliminating 7 Specific Foods
that Most People Consume Daily. Get the Guide for Free here.